I think it takes a lot of restraint to know when to stay silent. It’s rare to see people like you guys take that stand. Fan culture is weird. The extreme parts of fandom can’t tolerate any criticism. I think 2 things can be true. In the heights can be enjoyable AND br colorist. I think some people are afraid that if something featuring a marginalized cast is critiqued, we may never get another project like that. The feeling being we need to support all projects good or bad.
I think the biggest issue with Chrissy Teigan is the depth of her shit post. It’s bad enough she posted online, but to DM & tell someone to kill themselves was probably a bridge too far. Instead of all these long winded post she keeps making, donate to an anti bully organization, then log off for a few months.
One of the best moments from season 2 of "Legendary" was Law Roach saying to the guest judge, who was interrupting Leomy Maldonado giving advice to a House member, "Shush. This isn't for you. This is Ballroom to Ballroom." If I have learned one single thing in the past few years, it's that there is a time to talk and a time to Listen. A time to not insert myself into conversations that do not belong to me. I don't think you two are being pious or doing "performative wokeness". I think you are trying to counsel people who clearly don't want to be told to shush, this isn't for them.
Everyone has opinions, and are entitled to them, but that doesn't mean you get to just open your big yap and espouse them. I'll be the first to tell someone non-female to take all the seats if they want to argue about reproductive rights.
I was just thinking about this, with Juneteenth coming up and being recognized as a company holiday for US employees at my company for the first time this year (we get Friday off since it falls on Saturday). I will happily take the day off, but I'm hardly the right person to explain how important it is and whether or not it is worth observing - I'm a Vietnamese American woman married to a Mexican American man. Ima let the people for whom it is significant have the platform.
"She’s the definition of being Too Online and we think the emotional pleas to be loved and understood didn’t sound like they were coming from the healthiest of places. The cynical take is that she made the decision to post such a naked plea for forgiveness because she’s losing quite a few business deals over her past behavior, but we think it’s important to note that she’s displaying the kind of unhealthy neediness that comes with too much of a focus on clout-chasing and attention-seeking. She’d be doing herself, her business, and maybe even her family the most good by getting offline for good."
Just realized Kevin Hart is doing the same thing as Chrissy, basically begging to be liked. The only difference is Kevin’s post is full of anger. He talks about how he’s rich, perfect family, stays booked & busy, etc… yet in the same breath complains about cancel culture. It begs the question? If you’re so rich and busy, why do you care if people like you? Take your millions and go.
I saw the interview with Rita Moreno on Colbert last night and as soon as she said what she did, I knew that wasn't going to come across well... I kind of want to say I understood her point about things taking time but yes, that wasn't framed in the best way.
As for Teigan and all the other social media addicts, it's probably hard to take that time and step away especially if that's something you find you need (even if you don't admit it). It's bad enough with social media that people can post anything because for a lot of it they're anonymous but when your name and image are out there and you're constantly inserting your foot into your mouth, you need to step back and do some internal reflection and think about your priorities and mental well being. I hope she can do that and maybe afterwards, she can actually issue a real apology...
Love that picture of Miss Miu Miu. She looks like she knows something and the rest of us don't and she's not sharing.
"She’s the definition of being Too Online and we think the emotional pleas to be loved and understood didn’t sound like they were coming from the healthiest of places. The cynical take is that she made the decision to post such a naked plea for forgiveness because she’s losing quite a few business deals over her past behavior, but we think it’s important to note that she’s displaying the kind of unhealthy neediness that comes with too much of a focus on clout-chasing and attention-seeking. She’d be doing herself, her business, and maybe even her family the most good by getting offline for good."
===========================
Astute.
(pondering) i wonder if she's able to do it, get offline for good, i mean? When you're accustomed to the adulation and approval of zillions of followers, that seems as if it would be like a life force all its own that you've come to depend on pretty exclusively, sharing every last intimate moment and thought. Can't even imagine what that must be like: to court that attention and approval ... and then to get it so overwhelmingly and be at its mercy, in a way. Because yikes.
"In the Heights": Jezebel has an article today about Rita Moreno's appearance on Stephen Colbert's show and how "maybe she's not the best person to talk about Black Latinxs." (The article asserts that she came across as dismissive of the charges of colorism. "Just leave it alone; why can't people just leave it alone?") When i first heard about the movie and saw trailers for it (in the initial flush of giddy excitement and anticipation that everyone seemed to be feeling), i knew it wasn't something i was all that interested in seeking out, as lovely and lively as it might be. Now reading about its initial reception and the ensuing backlash, wow, am i ever sitting back and trying to absorb and learn.
Amen! Definitely a good skill to learn both when to keep the mouths shut but also to learn to be a better listener, especially when at long last perspectives that aren't white-cis are finally getting more of a platform.
So true. One of the best innoculators against this was reading Very Smart Brothas and there was *always* one 'As a white person...' in the comments, saying all the right things but just so very cringe.
It made me realise that first, I should stay out of Black conversations about race unless I had something really momentous to say that no-one else had said (ie pretty much always), and second, that any comment that actually requires you to state your race is probably not worth making. Especially ones along the lines of 'IKR the police are so racist, this one time they caught me with a bag of dope and handed it back to me JUST BC I'M WHITE!'.
I hadn't made the connection till now, but one of my major feminist online teachers (Twisty at IBTP, a radfem (non-terf)) used to actively discourage cis men from commenting, which I found first hilariously daring and then realised I knew exactly what she meant about the way the presence of anyone from the oppressor class changes the dynamic. I'm not advocating for exclusive spaces as such, just noticing how this post and Twisty's stance reinforce each other's correctness, for me at least.
I was wondering why we've been seeing John Legend on the red carpet solo a lot lately. What a mess. All this noise from endless cycles of damaging behaviors...meanwhile the rich keep getting A LOT richer. Sigh. Yup, keeping my mouth shut, listening, and doing my best to keep my 8 year old kid clued-in, tolerant, and mindful that tomorrow's another day.
Social media has always been “blurt media” where we blurt out a comment, a criticism or a thought then think about it later (or not at all)
Your excellent article is such a good reminder that my voice need not be the loudest or heard at all much of the time
The past 4 years I learned to stay quite & listen far more & by doing that I continue to be informed & educated by the brilliant people I follow including Tom & Lo
I don’t know how to feel about Chrissy T’s re-emergence so I’ll wait & see how she navigates herself
You know, we all do things we are ashamed of, sometimes because we think we won't get caught, sometimes because of accepted social norms at the time, sometimes just because we weren't thinking. Can a "brand" even be successful without being online? I suspect not. So she is really trying to save her millions of dollars in endorsements, I can think of worse people in situations like this. I am willing to forgive her is she means it and only time will tell if she does. Yes, it is good to shut up and listen but it is also good to consider forgiveness. Social media doesn't forgive.
The Unsung Power of Shutting the Hell Up
I think it takes a lot of restraint to know when to stay silent. It’s rare to see people like you guys take that stand. Fan culture is weird. The extreme parts of fandom can’t tolerate any criticism. I think 2 things can be true. In the heights can be enjoyable AND br colorist. I think some people are afraid that if something featuring a marginalized cast is critiqued, we may never get another project like that. The feeling being we need to support all projects good or bad.
I think the biggest issue with Chrissy Teigan is the depth of her shit post. It’s bad enough she posted online, but to DM & tell someone to kill themselves was probably a bridge too far. Instead of all these long winded post she keeps making, donate to an anti bully organization, then log off for a few months.
One of the best moments from season 2 of "Legendary" was Law Roach saying to the guest judge, who was interrupting Leomy Maldonado giving advice to a House member, "Shush. This isn't for you. This is Ballroom to Ballroom." If I have learned one single thing in the past few years, it's that there is a time to talk and a time to Listen. A time to not insert myself into conversations that do not belong to me. I don't think you two are being pious or doing "performative wokeness". I think you are trying to counsel people who clearly don't want to be told to shush, this isn't for them.
Everyone has opinions, and are entitled to them, but that doesn't mean you get to just open your big yap and espouse them. I'll be the first to tell someone non-female to take all the seats if they want to argue about reproductive rights.
I was just thinking about this, with Juneteenth coming up and being recognized as a company holiday for US employees at my company for the first time this year (we get Friday off since it falls on Saturday). I will happily take the day off, but I'm hardly the right person to explain how important it is and whether or not it is worth observing - I'm a Vietnamese American woman married to a Mexican American man. Ima let the people for whom it is significant have the platform.
queenie the bold7 hr ago
"She’s the definition of being Too Online and we think the emotional pleas to be loved and understood didn’t sound like they were coming from the healthiest of places. The cynical take is that she made the decision to post such a naked plea for forgiveness because she’s losing quite a few business deals over her past behavior, but we think it’s important to note that she’s displaying the kind of unhealthy neediness that comes with too much of a focus on clout-chasing and attention-seeking. She’d be doing herself, her business, and maybe even her family the most good by getting offline for good."
Just realized Kevin Hart is doing the same thing as Chrissy, basically begging to be liked. The only difference is Kevin’s post is full of anger. He talks about how he’s rich, perfect family, stays booked & busy, etc… yet in the same breath complains about cancel culture. It begs the question? If you’re so rich and busy, why do you care if people like you? Take your millions and go.
I saw the interview with Rita Moreno on Colbert last night and as soon as she said what she did, I knew that wasn't going to come across well... I kind of want to say I understood her point about things taking time but yes, that wasn't framed in the best way.
As for Teigan and all the other social media addicts, it's probably hard to take that time and step away especially if that's something you find you need (even if you don't admit it). It's bad enough with social media that people can post anything because for a lot of it they're anonymous but when your name and image are out there and you're constantly inserting your foot into your mouth, you need to step back and do some internal reflection and think about your priorities and mental well being. I hope she can do that and maybe afterwards, she can actually issue a real apology...
Love that picture of Miss Miu Miu. She looks like she knows something and the rest of us don't and she's not sharing.
"She’s the definition of being Too Online and we think the emotional pleas to be loved and understood didn’t sound like they were coming from the healthiest of places. The cynical take is that she made the decision to post such a naked plea for forgiveness because she’s losing quite a few business deals over her past behavior, but we think it’s important to note that she’s displaying the kind of unhealthy neediness that comes with too much of a focus on clout-chasing and attention-seeking. She’d be doing herself, her business, and maybe even her family the most good by getting offline for good."
===========================
Astute.
(pondering) i wonder if she's able to do it, get offline for good, i mean? When you're accustomed to the adulation and approval of zillions of followers, that seems as if it would be like a life force all its own that you've come to depend on pretty exclusively, sharing every last intimate moment and thought. Can't even imagine what that must be like: to court that attention and approval ... and then to get it so overwhelmingly and be at its mercy, in a way. Because yikes.
"In the Heights": Jezebel has an article today about Rita Moreno's appearance on Stephen Colbert's show and how "maybe she's not the best person to talk about Black Latinxs." (The article asserts that she came across as dismissive of the charges of colorism. "Just leave it alone; why can't people just leave it alone?") When i first heard about the movie and saw trailers for it (in the initial flush of giddy excitement and anticipation that everyone seemed to be feeling), i knew it wasn't something i was all that interested in seeking out, as lovely and lively as it might be. Now reading about its initial reception and the ensuing backlash, wow, am i ever sitting back and trying to absorb and learn.
Amen! Definitely a good skill to learn both when to keep the mouths shut but also to learn to be a better listener, especially when at long last perspectives that aren't white-cis are finally getting more of a platform.
So true. One of the best innoculators against this was reading Very Smart Brothas and there was *always* one 'As a white person...' in the comments, saying all the right things but just so very cringe.
It made me realise that first, I should stay out of Black conversations about race unless I had something really momentous to say that no-one else had said (ie pretty much always), and second, that any comment that actually requires you to state your race is probably not worth making. Especially ones along the lines of 'IKR the police are so racist, this one time they caught me with a bag of dope and handed it back to me JUST BC I'M WHITE!'.
I hadn't made the connection till now, but one of my major feminist online teachers (Twisty at IBTP, a radfem (non-terf)) used to actively discourage cis men from commenting, which I found first hilariously daring and then realised I knew exactly what she meant about the way the presence of anyone from the oppressor class changes the dynamic. I'm not advocating for exclusive spaces as such, just noticing how this post and Twisty's stance reinforce each other's correctness, for me at least.
I was wondering why we've been seeing John Legend on the red carpet solo a lot lately. What a mess. All this noise from endless cycles of damaging behaviors...meanwhile the rich keep getting A LOT richer. Sigh. Yup, keeping my mouth shut, listening, and doing my best to keep my 8 year old kid clued-in, tolerant, and mindful that tomorrow's another day.
Social media has always been “blurt media” where we blurt out a comment, a criticism or a thought then think about it later (or not at all)
Your excellent article is such a good reminder that my voice need not be the loudest or heard at all much of the time
The past 4 years I learned to stay quite & listen far more & by doing that I continue to be informed & educated by the brilliant people I follow including Tom & Lo
I don’t know how to feel about Chrissy T’s re-emergence so I’ll wait & see how she navigates herself
Thanks TLo for another thought provoking gem
Thank you for this post.
You know, we all do things we are ashamed of, sometimes because we think we won't get caught, sometimes because of accepted social norms at the time, sometimes just because we weren't thinking. Can a "brand" even be successful without being online? I suspect not. So she is really trying to save her millions of dollars in endorsements, I can think of worse people in situations like this. I am willing to forgive her is she means it and only time will tell if she does. Yes, it is good to shut up and listen but it is also good to consider forgiveness. Social media doesn't forgive.